I have known, all along, that this decision was made by the absconder in me. I have no purpose in pursuing what I'm pursuing now. I have no purpose, period. It is a scary feeling, waking up and not knowing where life is going to lead you to. And that, is probably why I had to conjure such a fake sense of security for myself. I need to alleviate the uncertainties, to know that I am going somewhere amidst these stagnant waters. Yes, I am using money to buy time. Go ahead and judge me.

I know I'll do good. I don't mean to sound insolent, but I always do. I'm just dreading the day, 2 years down the road, where I'll have to face the crossroads once again. 

Oh, and I really miss substantial conversations with you. More often than not, when the distance between two person bridged, novelty and curiosity begin to dwindle. I can recall the days when you prepossesses me - I want to do nothing but be by your side all the time, wake you up in the middle of the night and bore you with my silly thoughts, eager to listen to what you'll have to say.

We'll do that when you're back again, right?